


Padawan Lost

by holocronfiles



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e17 Sabotage, Episode: s05e18 The Jedi Who Knew Too Much, Episode: s05e19 To Catch A Jedi, F/M, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Post-Episode: s05e20 The Wrong Jedi, Protective Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25075306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holocronfiles/pseuds/holocronfiles
Summary: AU || Canon DivergenceAhsoka is on the run with a bounty on her head. Before she is able to prove her innocence, a bounty hunter finishes the job.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 15
Kudos: 91





	1. It was Fun

Ahsoka’s chest heaved with exhaustion, her footsteps echoing through the low-level tunnels of Coruscant as she ran to find cover from her hunters. She didn’t have time to cry, to break down and crumple into the youngling everyone viewed her as; she simply had to keep running. Without the protection of her lightsabers she felt vulnerable, but without the protection of her master she felt helpless. She didn’t know where she was going or who she would run to, but she could feel herself slowing down, and she could hear the distant calls of the clones she called her friends hunting her down.

“Set your blasters to stun, do not hurt Ahsoka.” Her master’s strong, commanding voice booming towards her. In a way, it was comforting to hear his voice once again defending her, but the pit in her stomach widened when she could clearly hear the boots stomping towards her. She made a break for a small light at the end of the tunnel, hoping a squadron of clones waiting to strike her down wouldn’t be waiting for her. Ahsoka took a breath and finally came to terms with her plight: she was afraid, with a bounty on her head, and no one by her side.

The end of the tunnel approached her quickly, she nearly skidded to a stop to prevent herself from falling to her death. There were no clones waiting for her, no ships, only the bustling city above and below her, separating what was and what will be. Her heart beat loudly in her ears, drowning out any residual noise from the city. She contemplated her options; give herself up and face death at the hands of the people who raised her, who trained her, who loved her, or jump to the dark city below, hope she didn’t get caught, and remain on the run for the rest of her life. _Those are some lousy options_ , she thought to herself. She hadn’t even begun to weigh the idea that bounty hunters would kill for her skin when she heard her master’s voice call out to her.

“Ahsoka! What are you doing?” Her master’s voice was full of anguish and sadness. She turned to face him, looking into his eyes for the first time since she had escaped.

“You didn’t even try to come and help me!” She cried through the tunnel, finally releasing the emotions she had kept inside for so long.

“They wouldn’t let me in to talk to you!”

“You could have if you tried!” Tears welled behind her eyes.

“How would that look Ahsoka, huh?” He stepped closer to her, “Forcing my way in would’ve made you look even more guilty.”

Tears began to stream down her face, her anger and feeling of betrayal bubbling over the edge. “I am not guilty!”

“You have to prove you’re innocent,” her master took another step forward. “The only way we can do that is by going back.” Ahsoka could tell he was trying to reason with her, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe him.

“I don’t know who to trust.” She turned away from him, staring down the drop to the city below. She would give anything to go back to the way things were. She wanted nothing more than to take his hand and go back to the temple, meditate with him and ground herself. She couldn’t think about that right now.

“Listen,” her master reached his hand towards her, “I would never let anyone hurt you Ahsoka, never. But you need to come back and make your case to the council.”

Ahsoka had never felt such anger, such hurt, and she didn’t know what to do to fix it. “No! I will not take the fall for something I didn’t do!” Her master could sense the angst in her tone; even he didn’t know what to do.

Her master started to move towards her, “I order you to stand down and come with me, now!” His tone shifted, himself now close to tears, “Trust me.”

His pleas did little to convince Ahsoka. “I do trust you, but you know as well as I do that no one else will believe me.” She glanced over the side once more, weighing the jump to her death or being sentenced to death. “Anakin, you have to trust me now.”

“Ahsoka I do trust you-”

“I know you do.” She held her hand out to stop him. She knew he wouldn’t engage her, though she wished deep down she could run to him, and he could protect her. That wasn’t his job anymore, she was no longer his padawan, his student, his friend. She took one last wistful look at her master, “Wish me luck.”

Ahsoka found the will to jump and leapt out of the tunnel opening. She could hear Anakin call for her but it did little to stop her decision. She fell steadily towards a descending ship, landing gracefully on top of it. She looked up at her master, him appearing to want to jump after her. She had never been this confused, this clouded before. The only thing she could sense was the growing uneasiness in her chest, and Anakin’s anguish when the blaster was fired through her shoulder, and then her stomach.

Ahsoka crumpled to the ground, crying out in pain. Her breath was immediately cut short, the smell of burning flesh wafting in through every breath. Through her blurry vision she could see her master jump down to the ship, along with a clone trooper with his jet pack. Her master landed on the ship, running to her and falling to his knees, scooping her head into his lap.

“No no no, Snips you have to hold on. We-We’ll get you to a medical droid, Master Yoda, he probably knows something-” Anakin looked at his padawan, his heart shattering as he watched the life drain from her.

“Anakin,” Ahsoka’s voice shook as she clawed at his robes, desperate for something to hold on to, “You… you said no one- they wouldn’t hurt me. Why did they hurt me?” Tears streamed down her face as she held on for her life. She had faced death before but not like this. Not staring into the face of someone she loved while every inch of her skin burned with pain.

“I-I’m sorry Ahsoka, I couldn’t protect you. I didn’t-”

“You believe me, right?” Ahsoka held his gaze as her vision darkened. “I didn’t, I couldn’t do it. Please, you have to believe me!” She coughed, her breath shallow and ragged.

Anakin brushed the tears off her face as Rex landed beside him. “Of course I believe you Snips.” He could no longer hold his emotions in as he felt her life force leaving her. “I always believed you. I’m sorry I didn’t help you, I didn’t try harder. I didn’t-”

“You… did everything you could.” Ahsoka’s eyes felt heavy as Rex took her hand. “I-I’m sorry… I failed you.”

“No Ahsoka, you could never fail me.” Anakin felt all of the anger towards the council, the Republic, and towards himself. “The Jedi failed you, the Republic failed you,” He let out a sob, “I failed you!”

Ahsoka reached a weak hand towards Anakin’s face, brushing the side of his cheek as she took a shaky breath. “Skyguy,” Anakin’s breath hitched, “It was fun.” Her hand fell from his face and went limp in Rex’s hand. Anakin felt her life force abandon her, leaving her dead in his arms.

Anakin let out a cry that could be heard on the upper levels of the city. Rex shed a tear beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “She was the best commander I served,” Rex looked down at Ahsoka’s body, “And a better friend. I’ll miss her.”


	2. A Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin avenges his lost padawan.

“This shouldn’t have happened. How did this happen?” Anakin looked up to see someone with a sniper rifle get up off of the ground. His eyes narrowed as he watched the figure run off with someone by their side. “I’m going after them.” 

Anakin didn’t give Rex a chance to object. He slid Ahsoka’s body over to Rex and began his hunt for her murderers. He scaled ascending ships, his focus more honed in than it had ever been before. He wanted one thing: to avenge the death of the person he cared for the most, no matter what it took.

When he reached the platform the bounty hunters had been stationed on, he caught the slender figure of the one who had not fired the shot duck around a corner. He immediately sensed the disturbance; it was Ventress. 

His anger grew as he followed the two hunters, lightsaber ignited and ready to strike. Ventress caught wind of this and ignited her own, her red blades illuminating the dingy street they ran on. The second bounty hunter stopped, one Anakin didn’t recognize, and threw a charge his way, exploding the surrounding street, blowing both parties off of their feet.

Anakin didn’t wait for the smoke to settle. Ventress and her friend groaned as they began to stand, but were met with the blue heat of Anakin’s weapon.

“Ah, Skywalker. I didn’t expect to see you so soon.” Ventress smirked as Anakin pressed his lightsaber towards her. 

“Ventress. I should’ve known it was you.” The anger in his voice dripped with every word. He had no intention of sparing her life, even if that went against everything he had been taught. 

Ventress chuckled, knowing she had done what no other adversary had been able to do, “They said you had no weaknesses Skywalker,” she rose to her feet, “It seems they were wrong.” 

The second bounty hunter began to ready his weapon, but Anakin spun around, slicing the adversary’s head off of their shoulders. They fell to the ground, dropping their weapon, their head rolling to the side. 

“You killed Ahsoka.” Anakin’s voice was low, it echoed off of the walls. He turned his lightsaber to Ventress, “You will pay for what you did to her.”

Ventress laughed once more, “You will never defeat me, Skywalker. I will follow you to your end, and you will not be able to stop me.” She hissed as she reached for her discarded weapon, only to have her hand torn off by Anakin’s saber, her weapon intercepted, and her head between the red and blue blades. 

“You miscalculated.” The hum of the lightsabers was the only sound filling the air. 

“You’ll never do it; not even for your little pet.” Ventress spat.

“I promised my padawan no one would ever hurt her.” Anakin was the most certain he had been in his life, “Ahsoka's death will not be in vain.” 

The act was done. The assassin’s body fell to the ground with a thud. Anakin turned away from the bodies he had slaughtered, the red and blue weapons still glowing in his hands. Anakin closed his eyes and took a breath, allowing himself to grieve all that had been lost. He dropped the weapons, walking back the way he came, tears flowing down his face. 


	3. Broken Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin comes to a conclusion.

Anakin hadn’t spoken a word since Ahsoka’s death. Since she had been expelled from the Order before she was killed, she wasn’t granted a proper Jedi funeral, and since the Order was no longer responsible for her, it fell on Anakin and Obi-Wan to decide what to do with her body. 

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan paced in his friend’s chambers, “You must-  _ we  _ must decide how we are going to proceed with this.” Obi-Wan was treading lightly, as he knew how volatile his former padawan could get.

Anakin sat in silence, anger radiating through the force around him. He hadn’t stopped replaying the moment in his head; the moment his padawan was lost to him and the galaxy, and the moment he had given up on the Jedi. He didn’t know if Obi-Wan could sense this, and he didn’t know what to do next.

Obi-Wan stopped in front of Anakin, sensing the overwhelming feeling of grief and confusion. Even he didn’t know what to do next. “I miss her as you do, Anakin, but we simply can not-”

“Can’t what?” The break in his silence startled Obi-Wan. The feeling of darkness grew around Anakin. “Can’t spend the time on her? Can’t give her a proper burial? Does she not deserve it?” Anakin stood and approached his master. “She died fighting for her innocence. She died trying to protect the sanctity of this Order. She didn’t have to die, but she did.” His voice broke when he said this, as if he had finally accepted that she was gone. His brow furrowed further as he attempted to control his growing rage, “ _ I _ will spend the time on her.  _ I  _ will honor her memory.” Anakin turned his back to Obi-Wan, “She would’ve done the same for me.”

Obi-Wan did not have an answer for his young friend. The darkness subsided as Anakin meditated on the balcony. Obi-Wan could sense his former padawan’s drift from the light side; he had felt it since he massacred the sand people who had killed his mother. He knew Anakin’s attachments would be his downfall, he just didn’t think it would come this soon. 

Obi-Wan sighed, “Anakin, I know you cared for your padawan. I am sure I would have reacted similarly were you to die.” He stepped onto the balcony towards Anakin, “She would not want this to derail you. She would not-”

“You don’t know what she would want!” Anakin’s anger erupted out of him, sending a chill down his master’s spine. “You didn’t know her like I did.” He loomed over Obi-Wan, a threatening feeling pulsed around them. Obi-Wan backed away off of the balcony towards the door.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, “We will discuss this in the morning.” He turned and left the room, the dark, menacing force closing itself off to him when the door shut.

Anakin’s chest heaved as he felt himself being torn between the dark and the light. Ahsoka’s face was burned in his brain, the feeling of her cold fingers dropping from the side of his face etched in his skin. He desperately reached for her life force, any feeling of her through this failsafe that was supposed to connect them, but was met with darkness, a freezing cold nothing that nearly swallowed him whole. He had not felt this since his mother was killed, all those years ago on Tattooine. He couldn’t shake the notion that he had failed Ahsoka. All of the things she had said; he could’ve gone to see her if he had tried harder, he didn’t put his full faith and trust in her, all of this led to her death. All of this led to her leaving his side forever. 

Anakin sunk to the ground of the balcony, the floor still warm from the setting sun. He focused on the heat, allowing it to radiate through his tense and shaking body. He focused his thoughts on the time before, the time he had spent with his padawan. She was a quick learner, able to pick up on fighting techniques and war strategy much faster than her fellow padawans. She could match Anakin in wit and skill, almost as easily as Obi-Wan could. Ahsoka knew what Anakin was going to do before he even knew it. Ahsoka felt everything Anakin felt before he felt it. Their connection through the force was stronger than anything he had known, and their connection face-to-face was even more powerful. 

As Anakin continued to meditate, he could almost sense Ahsoka sitting next to him, their knees touching, their breath in sync, but when he opened his eyes he was alone. Alone he would remain.

Anakin remained alone on the balcony for many more hours, drifting in and out of a deep meditative state, Ahsoka’s memory at the forefront of his mind the entire time. He only came to one conclusion before retiring to his bed: he could no longer be a part of the Jedi Order. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work was originally supposed to be a one off, one chapter thing, but it really turned into something I'm proud of. If you have any input, criticisms, or just want to leave a comment I will read every single one! Thank you for the reads, I hope this continues for a while. :)


	4. Catharsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A great disturbance is avoided.

Obi-Wan hadn’t slept the night before. Dreams, no, nightmares of death and destruction, all caused by his young, grieving friend. Obi-Wan was at a loss, and he felt he couldn’t turn to any of his fellow Jedi Masters on the Council for help. Any inkling that Anakin had fallen from the light would lead to his expulsion from the Order, however Obi-Wan wondered if this was what his former padawan wanted. 

Obi-Wan stood outside Anakin’s chambers, contemplating whether or not he should enter. The air was quiet, still, almost tranquil; he could sense the deep meditation that had taken place last night. Something within the force nagged at him, something that wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t a dark feeling, it wasn’t the looming blackness surrounding Anakin last night, but it wasn’t light either. Obi-Wan worked up the nerve to knock on the door, only to be met with more silence. 

“Anakin? Anakin are you in there?” Nothing; only the hum of the electricity in the door answered him. Obi-Wan waited a beat longer, before waving his hand over the control panel and allowing himself inside. 

He was met with an empty room, the wind from the open window sweeping his hair. Anakin was sitting cross-legged on the balcony, his eyes closed and his breathing steady. Obi-Wan made his way over to the young Knight, trying to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling through the force surrounding him. Anakin didn’t stir from his meditative state, so Obi-Wan decided to sit across from him and join him. 

Their breath soon fell in sync, deep and rhythmic as they each sent their frustration and sadness into the Force. Their emotions swirled around them, and they soon tangled themselves into something that was almost comforting. Obi-Wan was never one to express any significant emotion to anyone, let alone the most emotional Jedi he knew, but this allowed him to release all that he had held in for the first time in a while.

Anakin hadn’t acknowledged his master’s presence, but the myriad of emotions shuffling around in the Force around him confirmed that he was accompanied by his friend. He had also had a restless sleep, dreams, no, nightmares of rage and terror, all in the hands of himself. He had been meditating for a few hours before Obi-Wan had joined him; Anakin was comforted by a presence other than his own. They didn’t need to speak to understand the complicated emotions each of them were sharing. Anakin was confused, angry, and devastated, while Obi-Wan was melancholy, worried, and conscientious. 

They sat in comfortable silence for what felt like many more hours, the sun floating by, warming their backs and the tops of their heads. They hadn’t spent this much time together, not on the battlefield, since Anakin was young. Somewhere inside him, Obi-Wan felt that this was necessary. This was necessary for their relationship, this was necessary for what was to come next.

“Obi-Wan.” Anakin broke the silence, his voice low and calm. The certainty in his voice both comforted and shook Obi-Wan out of his meditation. He opened his eyes, looking at his former padawan’s face in the afternoon sunlight. “Obi-Wan, I have to leave the Order.” 

Tension rose in Obi-Wan’s shoulders, his chest tightened at the statement Anakin had made. Somehow, he knew this was coming. His friend’s eyes remained closed, his face stoic, his breathing steady.

“I can’t continue on this path. Not without Ahsoka.” His eyes remain closed. 

“Anakin, you cannot allow your emotions to dictate your path. This is not the way of the Jedi.” Obi-Wan knew this wouldn’t do much to dissuade Anakin, but he felt he should try anyway. 

“Master, I have had terrifying dreams. I will cause so much pain if I stay.” Anakin opens his eyes, holding Obi-Wan’s gaze for a moment before standing and turning his back to him. “I am tired of keeping my emotions at bay. I am tired of not being able to mourn my closest friend openly and loudly.” 

Obi-Wan could empathize with his friend. When his  _ close  _ friend, Satine, was murdered by Maul, he was unable to grieve her death without feeling guilty for letting his emotions overrun him. Anakin did not have the same reserve that he did, and Anakin was aware of this. 

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan stands and places a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder, “You will be throwing away everything you’ve worked for, everything you’ve been taught.” 

Anakin sighed, “I know. But the visions I’ve had are too horrible, too gruesome for me to ignore.” he hung his head, his eyes closed. “Ahsoka was my anchor. She was by my side through  _ everything _ .” Obi-Wan knew he was convinced of this. Ahsoka knew everything about Anakin; the massacre of the sand people, his childhood as a slave, and he was sure she knew about Anakin and Padme. Ahsoka kept all of his secrets, understood him better than anyone else, and he knew Anakin wouldn’t continue without her. 

“Is there anything I can do, or say, to change your mind?” Obi-Wan pleaded, but he knew in his heart he wouldn’t be able to convince Anakin.

Anakin took a breath, then stood to face his Master. He gave him a sympathetic smile and reached his hand out, “I’m sorry Obi-Wan. I need to forge my own path, without the Order breathing down my neck.” Both of them let out a small chuckle. “This has been a long time coming, and I think you knew that.” 

Obi-Wan shook Anakin’s hand, “I think you’re right, for once.” He smiled and pulled Anakin into a hug. The two of them hadn’t shown this level of affection towards each other ever, but he felt that it needed to be shown. His friend was confused, he sensed fear in him, but he knew he would work past this. 

Anakin finally felt that he could express his emotions freely, without any guilt. Their hug lingered for a moment, and Anakin felt himself give in to his grief. Tears streamed down his face and onto his friend’s robes. He sank to the ground, not letting go of Obi-Wan. Sobs racked his body, the Force surrounding them filled with relief. Anakin could be with his love, he could be angry, sad, joyful, regretful, everything that was always chastised. He could finally mourn his lost padawan without the guilt of the Order weighing down on him. He couldn’t in good conscience continue to fight for and be a part of the very organization that cast his closest ally out. The Order had essentially left her to die, and he couldn’t support that anymore. 

They sat in that position for a long time, Obi-Wan allowing his young friend to purge himself of all of the emotions he had kept bottled up for the past decade. He simply closed his eyes and let Anakin feel, and for the first time since Satine’s death, he let  _ himself  _ feel. They both sat, embracing each other, and accepting that this chapter in their lives was coming to a close. 

Anakin’s sobs subsided, and they both pulled away, utterly exhausted from the outpour of emotion to the Force. Him and Obi-Wan sat in silence for a moment longer before they both rose. Obi-Wan put his hands together and bowed to Anakin.

“It was fun, my young padawan.” 

Anakin bowed to Obi-Wan, “Thank you, Master. I hope to meet you again one day.” 

Obi-Wan left the room, the feeling of darkness completely gone. As the door shut behind him, he felt light. A smile grew across his face as he walked away from Anakin, as he felt as though something horrible had been avoided, and any disturbance in the force had been eradicated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that wraps this up! I may decide to add an extra chapter or two to explore some of Anakin's deeper emotions, but I feel pretty satisfied with this ending. I'm going to try to write some new works in the coming weeks. I appreciate any comments you guys have! Thank you for the support :)


End file.
